Depression and the Artist

"Fading"

(A page from my art journal)

I often wonder how personal a blog should be and if anyone even wants to read those kinds of stories. I rather like it when I find a blog that has a bit of a human touch to it (maybe I'm in the minority here). There are many things that happen to me that greatly affect my art, most of the time it's good, but once in a while it's something that makes creativity a bit more of a challenge. Since this is a personal blog I will, on occasion, share some of these stories here.

Depression has hit me time and again throughout my life but the darkest period happened in 2002. My world had pretty much crumbled around me and a big part of that crumbling surrounded my world of art. I went to bed and barely got out of it for months. Death seemed like a friend knocking on my door, and I really wanted to answer it. But, instead of that option I chose finding someone to help me deal with my depression. Actually someone I knew made an appointment and dragged me to a therapist, but I chose to go back so I will take some of the credit. I was totally numb, void of all feeling, by the time I walked into that office. My world was very dark, no color, no art, no tears, nothing. I am not even sure I showered that day or did my hair. It was a very long time before I started to feel anything again and what brought feeling back was returning to art and learning to use it to work through depression.

Although my depression was not cured, it does go away for long periods of time. And when it starts to come back I can almost always recognize it and deal with it immediately using tools I've learned. But on occasion a trigger will hit head on like a freight train crashing into me. It is unexpected and can knock my spirit right out of my body because it is just too much too fast. I find myself spiraling downward into darkness and feeling as if there is no firm place to plant my feet. At those times all the tools go out the window, at least for a while. This is where I've found  myself lately.

"Nightmare"

A picture of what the downward sprial 
of depression feels like to me.

 

My depression will often hit when I start to create after taking a break from my art. It has been this way my entire life. Does anyone else experience this? If I am creating on a regular basis then all is well but it is after a separation from my creative side, such as going on vacation or doing back to back shows (my life since the end of September) which takes me away from the studio - this is when I notice things beginning to change. When I get back to work the emotional roller coaster will start going again until I get settled back into my routine.

There are statistics that show a higher percentage of artists, writers, and other creative souls  deal with depression more so than other types of people. I even read that mental illness (don’t like that term) is the reason many artists are creative – that the creativity is the result of a problem. I don’t agree with that, not completely anyway.

Creative people spend a lot of time swimming in the sea of their subconscious while they are creating. Maybe many of us (not all) who suffer depressive states might do so because of our time spent in our subconscious where our life’s experiences are stored, the good, bad, ugly, and repressed (guess that would fall into the ugly category). While we are moving around in there trying to find a place to create from, we sometimes hit a dark spot hidden below the surface. We don’t mean to tread in the dark waters, it just happens. We may not even know it in the moment, but things start to change, the mood darkens and depression is close. I don't know whether creativity is the result or the reason of depression, but I do know artists who use their depression to fuel their creativity usually create some powerful artwork because it's full of personal feeling. I actually think I do my best work when I have deep feeling pouring out of me - good or bad. And I know when I am feeling bad, art has the power to heal.

Full on depression is where I find myself right now. Time to get to work I guess. So I open my "tool box" and choose art and writing to work through this time in my life. I will get my depression on the outside so I can look at it and change it. I will do artwork that shows exactly how I feel right now and will write in my journal. I will get some of my work done and have a sense of accomplishment. And tomorrow things may even be brighter. And if not, then the next day.

"Thought Storm"
The many thoughts that run through my head can be

overwhelming and sometimes paralyzing when feeling

depressed. Learning to grab just one thought and

work with it and let the others go has been a huge help.

I know there are many people who have a hard time throughout the year, and during the holidays can be especially difficult for some. Here is a list of what helps get me moving on an upward spiral. No, it isn't easy but it gets easier with every step and it doesn't take that long to make a big change in mood.

Journaling – writing, writing, writing. Just getting some of it out will help. Even if it is just writing that you feel bad, over and over and over. Get different colored pens to write with and try to pick a color that best expresses how you're feeling - or just assign a color to that feeling.

Art journaling – you don’t have to be a Rembrandt or a Picasso to do this, just some crayons and notebook paper is a start. Making random marks on paper is a place to begin and you may be surprised at what you come up with. You may find that some of your best art comes from a place of sadness and depression. And it can make you feel so much better.

Exercise – boosting serotonin through exercise is another fast way to lift your mood. Try to get outside for a brisk walk or a bike ride. Or open the blinds on a window and do a workout in the sunlight. Turn on music and dance freestyle. (Don't laugh - this really helps.)

Rest - get on a good sleep schedule. Try to recognize when you are tired. Artists will often burn the midnight oil when having good creative flow. This can wear you down and make small problems seem much bigger than they really are.

Aromatherapy - Lavendar, Jasmine, Peppermint, Rose, Sandalwood - these are a few uplifting scents. Find a lotion or an essential oil, even a candle that will fill a room with a scent you like.

Therapy – Seeing a therapist is nothing to be ashamed of. This was the best gift to myself and it changed my life. I would not hesitate to go again and know this is always an option. If you are having an issue with money there may be free or low cost services available to you. Call your local place of worship or community center. Check online for services in your area.

These are just a few ways to make positive changes in how you feel. The list is long so search for what works for you. I know that none of this is easy but one tiny effort will lead to another. Take a shower, wash your hair and dress for the day. Do one thing and then do just one more. Soon you will be feeling better.

As always I am happy to hear your story. Leave a comment or you can email at lainey@laineyparker.com. I always appreciate the comments and emails I receive.